Restless day.

Somehow things are not turning out to be the way i expect it to be. I'm suppose to the supportive one. The one that gives the strength, the one that lifts the spirit of others, the one that motivates people. But as time passes by, I feel weaker and weaker by the moment. I feel drained, like i'm alone. No one to talk to, no one to cry to, no one to express to, no one, nothing! I feel lonely and not that spacious every since last time. Compared 5 years ago and now, I don't feel that optimistic, happy, glad and everything. Although I tend to appreciate more on my surroundings and what i'm doing at the moment, but im still alone at the end. YESH! I admit that i'm craving for someone to share things with, to express to, to lend a shoulder to, and just to be with. FUck! i admit, i need a boyfriend. There... happy?!

It hurts~

O_O just realized the title sounds damn emo.

Anyhow, for these past  few months, i realize I've hurt a number of people that I really didn't mean to. Not hurt them by stabbing them or kicking their balls~~ Hurt them as in bring dissapointment, anger, sadness and all the negative emotions that I would least to expect.

And everything is caused by one little aspect ~ Self confidence.

For these past 2 years, my confidence level has fell gradually and only dropped greatly in these recent times. I no longer am able to do things that I usually do when i was in my old high school, and it brings loads of dissapointment to the people around me.

I really want to apologize to my economic and maths teacher for not being able (or more like not willing) to perform for them during my last year in school. They did mention before on hoping to see me dance live but i was too timid and shy to do so. I'm really sorry~

Most of all, i really want to apologize to my master. The whole time she has been there to help me, and advice me on my depression especially on my confidence level, and when an opportunity came, i blew it in just a few minutes. I feel really stupid and ridiculous. Plus the audience was just a minimal of 1. I could have just easily danced it off >_<

Yes, i'm still thinking bout it since 5pm this afternoon and i couldn't stop till now. Dancing used to be my passion and I always fight for the opportunity to perform. Nowadays? I rather sit between the audience and clap after every performance.

I want my old self back. This maxine ain fun >_<

What am i becoming

All these while My parents have been trying to put me one step higher from the society so it would help me alot when i grow up next time. I appreciated the music classes, the early english education, the dance classes, the acting classes and even the singing classes. Of course, i also appreciated the 3 years advance syllubus they would always shove it down my throat when I used to attend kindergarden.

I've always been confident in myself wherever I go all there years (excluding these 2 years). Although my appearence don't seem to attract the opposite sex but i'm confident in myself that i could achieve many things eventhough many people have been telling me to fuck off.

I manage to get NOMINATED for my queen guide award, i manage to organize a camp where most adults couldn't, i manage to dance in front of hundreds of people can not quiver in fright, i manage to give a speech in front of a whole school and not feel embarassed about it. Instead, i'm always happy and satisifed with whatever I manage to do and achieved. And its from my confidence that I've made many friends (not sure if they're true or just being 'mean girls') and be proud of them.

I don't deny that I do make mistakes on the way to success and every path i take, i still slipped into a tiny river that passes that path, but i always get myself up from the river and continue the journey and learn a better way to cross that path. I don't deny that at times my foolishness get myself embarassed and i don't deny that I'm not pretty. But its my foolishness that makes people happy. Its what I am makes people remember me "The bubbly chubby girl", its my mistakes that make people remember me even more. I sometimes still could feel what I used to feel and think about myself last time.

The confidence that I gave myself was tremendous and it has more to come. But recently, things have been on the downturn of my life. I become more and more unconfident with my appearence, my skills are lacking bacause of "gawd knows what reason", I've became a very emotional person, I've always crave for sympathy instead of happiness. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME??

I tear as i type this post because I just feel i'm being more and more ridiculous. I used to manage big events and serve the big VIPs during my secondary school days. I used to dance in front of crowds and not be ashamed of it. I used to sing in front of parents and feel proud of it. NOW? I feel like a total JINX! I can't even master a simple skill!

Everytime I do something I aim to achieve, i end up landing myself into big trouble. For instance, driving. I know driving takes time for people to master and of course to be in our own nature. But all these while, i've been confident and I used to drive without a single problem. Now i can't even take a short 5 minute drive to a place I need to go without whacking somebody's backside (adding up that the car is my friend's instead of my own parents car).

THIS is really D.I.S.S.A.P.O.I.N.T.I.N.G!!!! How stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid and duuuuuuuuuuuumb can i get? Its a simple skil DRIVING and yet i can't mastered it. I've gotten my license for what? A year!! And thanks to people who make empty promises, my driving skills are a piece of shit to land on *sobs*

I really want to look at this in a positive way. Really I do, but how can I not look at the negative side? Its been a year, and a year is more then enough to master a simple skill. THE HECK! I learnt to start a REAL LIFE FIRE with REAL LIFE FIREWOOD within 2 weeks!!! That's harder then driving dude!!

There are people that I blame and costs that I have to bear on my own with the consequences that come with driving without parents. But what can I do?? Depending on them is equals to depending on a dead man to train you to drive WHICH equals to NEVER GONNA IMPROVVEEEE!! People are already driving right AFTER they got their driving license. ME? hmph..... Letting me drive in his car is equavalent to a really REALLY special dream come true~~~ Pfffffft

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*SOBS*

*Runs and hide to cry in sorrow*

I'm NOT a crying baby, its just that i've been holding for too long thats all.
Its been awhile since I last blogged, and now that I'm sorta back to blogging, a sad post starts the comeback of le author. Haizzz. Is it because form 6 life has lead me to plunge into dullness?

*Hypnotises self*

Be positive BE POSITIVE!!!

Who am I kidding, I really nidda improve on my driving skills, it ain coming as if its dropping from the sky! >.<

Any suggestions from not knocking any car's asses again?

Stress Release options

Actually I was suppose to blog about this last year, but I procrastinated it for a few months and now only I manage to have the 'inspiration' to blog.... A one of a kind inspiration kononnya...

Anyway, as my title goes, probably you know I'm going to do something stress related. Well in this case, is more to stress + damn benggang case. So, instead of doing 3 things 3 times, why not........

3 IN 1????

Don't get it?

Biasalah......

My Majlis Tingkatan 6 club is trying to raise funds for our class page next year (Like I said this post was suppose to be last year so bare that in mind... ) So different people are in charge of different food or ingredient. I was in charge of ribena mocktail. So basically the ingredients are lemon juice, ribena (duh) and sprite or 7-up. Your choice.

So this was my 2nd time doing the ribena mocktail, and at the same time, I was seriously pissed off by someone which I forgot and so, with

This

and This

and This

In front of me, I started doing this.......

I started smashing it up so badly I ended up having a sour eye due the over juice "ejaculation".

Initially I was suppose to just smash it abit so that the juice will come out easily, but that bloody woman's face was on all the lemon, so..................

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My benggang-ness brings results!!!!

TADAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

(Do ignore the milk.... it has nothing to do with Ribena Mocktail, but DO pay attention to the small teeny weeny bottles at the back.... ^^)

One whole portion of 2 fridges is full of bottles and bottles of Ribena Mocktail and guess what??

The next day, half was gone!!!!

Whooohoo!!!! Was happy that all my hardwork has paid off.... ^^

In the end, I got 3 jobs done in 2 hours....

It's all up to you how you compile everything into a creative pack of 'juice'!

Random post

Childhood memories.....

I just came back from school where I was craving for some Maggi....

So I went through all the ingredients storage box to look for it, then I came across this...

Memories of all my childhood came flooding back into my mind when I saw all these rubber bands I used to use when I was young...

My mum would literally tie my hair up into two plates every morning before I go to school. The she'll find a matching pair to tie on my hair. Since then I was known as the girl with plates in school as I was the only one allowed to have long hair (Besides another snobbish girl who look down on me because I'm chubby... Screw you!!)

I remember choosing my favourite pair before ballet classes and my mum would gladly tie my hair up... And because my mum was so enthusiastic to tie my hair everyday, she was the first to find out that I had 'company' in my hair... It freaked her out big time!!

Today, when I saw does rubber bands, I was so excited and actually went through the whole container like a kid... going Ooooooo Aaaaahhhhh.......

Can imagine??? Can la.........

Still, most of the rubber have already been cut of leaving the 'ornaments' for memories, but I still love them and would never part with them for anything.. Those ARE my precious before and now.... *Skips down memory lane....*

Studying part of my life???

You know how studying can be a part of my life???? *SHOCK*

I didn't even know it's possible. I didn't even know I was capable of studying....

YES! I can study, but just a mere 20 minutes then I'm dead..

Especially when it comes to theory & stuff.... UGH!!! No way those stuff are going in my brain..

Its like you're going for a vacation where you packed shitloads of suitcases and you have to figure a way to jigsaw puzzle it into your car trunk. That's exactly how I feel...

First time in my life, I'm taking exams so seriously. Never in my life would I stay in school till freakin' 4pm to study........ ANNNNNNNNNNNND!!! It lasted for 3 WEEKS!!!! I can't believe that I actually did that, let alone stepping foot into the library.....

"There goes my bad girl reputation as bad girls don't go to the library... And i admit that i do."

But all well ends well, I finally forced myself into studying PP....

* It started of with "I HATE YOU".... Then, I pictured doraemon with His magic tools....

* When I realize it ain't happening, i came to my senses and started memorizing

* Then I started to go hungry... Being the lazy girl that I am, I didn't hunt for food, instead food chains interrupted my PP facts....

* From there loads of food came into my mind.... (DAMN! I want my student card!)

* Then I grew sleepy.....

* Sleepier....

* Slight snooze........

* Drop dead!

But at the end, I eventually manage to wake up and struggle through my bags, pack up and off to dreamland. You would be surprise how many things actually went through my mind that I couldn't sleep much that night... DANG you stupid memorizing!!

I still have to figure a way to force everything into that complicated organ of mine... Why can't I just have a pendrive slot on my brain?? It would make things SOOOOO much easier....

Hmmmmmm, I wonder.......

Exam Fever

Haven't in my whole life, I've even had this feeling running through me, well except when i was so determine to achieve Queen Guide... (Sampai 5 packet nescafe pown x jadi..).....

I always take education so easily, I never prioritize them over this 11 schooling years. Now that Ive step foot into Form 6, things actually vend over the corner quite alot.

I have the adrenaline to study and work for the best during examinations. Especially for this final year exam, I find myself working extra hard just so to prove to myself, and a certain amount of ppl that I can make it, no matter what comes by, i still can get at least a passing score in form 6. Sincerely saying, If i would to achieve at least 50% in all of the subjects, I would really fly.

Is just that i can't believe i'm starting to perk up from my laziness and start working out everything. From Economics to Maths. (bare in mind that I used to hate economics). Now that I find myself focusing these both subjects as my about-to-be major subjects, I kinda like economics now. Maybe is the excitement when i'm able to solve most of the question, but still, everything you do must start with an interest.

Anyway..... My class had been the most 'interesting' I've ever got. Different personality and different colours in just a class of 9. There's even pakistani muslim and singh in our class which is really rare for a small class like ours....

Why 'interesting' i say?? well.....

Aw Maxine : I wan to kiss TASH wit my fishy mouth!

Tashveen Gill : WHr IS MY HANNAH MONTANA ruler!

Syafiqah Hanafi : F6 susah! Fatin:btul!Eyna ShahTina, MAXINE jeles u syg me more than her

Puteri Serene : Hey wt do u guys want to do for PBSM?

Christina : Talk crap

Clarissa Lee : Cn AL OF U KEEP QUIET ANOT! BISING! I Cnt DO MY WORK!

Now that's exam fever.....

Aw Maxine : STUDY LAR!!!
Tashveen : Eh hasina, pinjam pp notes
Syafiqah : Eh, cepat la bace.. nt pn thaju nk tnye wei....
Eyna : Studies half way then start talking crap
Puteri : Eh econs ade hwk x?
Tina : talking to claire "I see wwat i want to answer, then i compare my answer to the longman, shortman, fatman, thinman book...
Fatin : BELAH LA KAO!!!
syaima : "smiles innocently everytime making us wonder wats going thru her mind

laz but not least

Claire : Shit lo, i very scare lo, this dunno that dunno, die lo die lo...

hahahaha Loads of character.... Mite as well we juz reenact this whole scene on stage... heheh Good luck ppl for exam!!!

Troubled society

All this while i've always complaint about BGS teachers being SOOO freakin' brainless...
Turns out I was wrong.

As form 6 in KHP, each of us are required to do a research on any topic we desired. It may be a topic we are interested in, or a topic related to any of our subjects we're studying. I was so confident when I heard we have to start our research by this week. I had my father on my side, I have friends who have done tonns of research, and I have relatives that can give me proper advice on a good research.....

So that was what i fucking did. I asked my friends, my relatives and my dad for a proper topic to come up with, and there all asked me the same question...... What is your interest???
DUH!!!! Of course music la!!! I can't survive without music. That is how I de-stress myself everytime I'm stressed up or depress.

So they ask me to relate my topic to my interest. At last My mum and I came up with 'Classical Music is not the choice of teenagers'.. Sounds professional right?? That's what a research is all about. You do a research, you upgrade yourself, and go a level higher then where you are before.

After I got my topic, I had loads of ideas running through my mind. I knew exactly what to include in my research, I knew the sources, I knew the people I can talk to, I knew what to relate to... I was soooooo confident in my research that I just started my research late last night.
And to my amazement, I found more sources then I already had. I was over the moon.

Coming to school with my "Happy-but-dunnu-going-to-be-hentam" look, I hand in my proposal to the teachers in charged........... And the feedback was....

@ Why your title so weird one?
@ Then you doing on modern era la? (i explained) Then why you doing it on classical music?? (I gave up talking to them)
@ Why your research so long one?
@ I think your research is too long and complicated.
@ Your research is too much for your level d.
@ Why do on classical music? Why can't you do something else?
@ Your proposal doesn't match your title, can't you change your title?
@ Your title is not relevant with any subjects your studying, why not do on business studies?
@ Cannot la, I don't think is suitable for your level
@ It's no use to your education ( with a smirk on her face)

Ok fine, talk all you want, but the most fucked up sentence she actually said was...

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@ YOU DIDN'T DO THIS BY YOURSELF, INSTEAD YOU PLAGIARISE (COPY & PASTE) FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S RESEARCH?? (Bang my fucking proposal on the table)

What the hell was that for? You can criticise my proposal, you can give a polite feedback to my research, but YOU CANNOT FUCKING SAY I COPY AND PASTE SOMEONE ELSE RESEARCH!!!!! What the hell was that??? Eventhough I have resources, even I have people to help me, BUT I'M NOT AN IDIOT OK!!!! I do stuff myself, I don't copy other's research, thats just lame and unresourceful.

I am not that lazy, I am not that unresourceful. I ask people for help so that I can improve better on my research. When I do something, I aim for the best and to the highest standard. Even for common sense, if i were to copy and paste, It will be soooooooooooooooo useless for me... I would just be a dork in the Uni Society later.

You're just plain lazy, ADMIT IT! You don't know what the hell I typed in my proposal and THATS why you claimed that it was SOOOOOO complicated. Oh COME ON!!!! Don't tell me only business studies and maths are the ONLY subjects you think that is UN-COMPLICATED??

F

Y

I

!!!!!!!!

I tend to love music more then your stupid business studies and maths ok!!

I tend to understand music better, and bare in mind..........

I TOOK UP PIANO 5 YEARS AGO!!!

SO what makes you think that I'm not capable of doing MY research EH???

I repeat....

MY FREAKING RESEARCH !!!!

AND ITS NOT FUCKING PLAGIARISM!!!!!!!!!!!!

You stated as if I did plagiarise someone's research, do you know I can go to jail for that you Dungus???!!!!!! I have a future ahead of me. So, if you think that you don't have a future, fuck off my life! I have an aim and I don't need people like you to fuck up my life. I'm good enough already without you. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

HATE PLAGIARISM, HATE IRRELEVANT CRITICISM

Parents, our saviour

When we say parents, the first thing that comes in mind is what have our parents done to make us so against us. Whether they give us no freedom, or disapprove of what we plan to do, or go against our will, or sometimes even humiliate us in public. When we ask why, they would quote 'is for your own good!!'

Yes, I do admit that I sometimes do dislike my parents alot. I wouldn't use the hate word, but yes I do dislike. My parents would prevent me from going on outings that I really want to go, they would give me lectures that are given to me uncountable times, they would not comfort me when i'm down, and when i'm young, there would cane me for the slightest mistakes and they never pick me up from the ground when I fall down.

When I was young, I used to dislike my parents doing so. I see other kids walking with their parents and their parents would fuss over them with various kind of reason, either if the food suits there appetite or whether the clothes they were are 'presentable' to the society in their age. For me, there was no fussing. What was set by them, I would have to follow. Like it or not, eat it or leave it. That was how I have been brought up.

As I grow up, I faced various obstacles that made me turn to my parents for a solution. The outcome wouldn't be what I expected, instead they would turn the whole thing around and end up with a solution that is not related to my problem. We would often argue about my opinions and their opinion but however hard I argued, they always get their say and end up being mad at each other.

Now that I'm 18, I finally came to my senses that my parents do so to protect me, they have been on earth longer then I did and of course more experience then a mere teenager like me. They've gone through more obstacles and overcame tough ones then I did. And they did so to prepare me for the world I'm about to face. And I learn to come to the fact that my parents will always be who they are and no one will be able to change them. Even if they did something to hurt you in anyway, a filial child would still respect them as parents.

Recently I've heard numerous events about children abandoning their own parents after achieving success in the working industry. Apparently, there is a family, a very rich family, after secondary school, they send their children overseas to get the best education the ministry could offer. However, after they graduate, find a job and settle down, they tend to forget everything back at their hometown. Their home, their friends, their family, and even their parents.

Pfffffft..!!!!!!!!! SAY WHAT???? Children abandoning their own parents is the utmost sinful thing a child could every do! Parents give us life and they gave us the opportunity to see the world and live our life to the fullest... Without them, I don't think you'll be reading this blog anyway. Without your dad's sperm and your mum's ovule, you're nothing but a piece of shit!

You can actually brush your parents away especially when they make the tendency to visit you in 'your' foreign" land??? THAT is sinful, and no doubt, disrespectful... How could a person do that??? Your parents teach you everything you need to know, they kept danger away from you, they shower you with love and respect, and most of all, they gave you life. THIS is how you repay them?? By brushing them away, by ignoring their phone calls, by burning all their wish cards, by scolding them harsh words and NOT accepting them as your parents...

If that's the case, you are not worthy to be a son/daughter in the first place... You can go wherever and be successful but if people would find out that you don't have parents aka have parents but don't want to acknowledge them, you will be knock down on the ground so badly until you are LOWER than the ground, i can guarantee you that you losers!!!!

A friendly advice for all kids/teenagers who are still learning how to be filial to your parents which I doubt not many are.... Do appreciate your parents in every way is possible, they will always love you no matter what, they are your parents and you have to accept that no matter what. Parents are our saviour in everyway they are. Sometimes they might be hurtful and sometimes they might be harsh, but whatever it is, is for your own good~~~

Plus, they might not be around everytime to guide you in your life. At a point of life, they have to leave us to a better place, and if only then you start to appreciate them, is just a little to late... Parents have lived a longer life then us and gained more experience then us. Give them the chance to guide us, and they might lead us to a more successful life then we can gain. At least what we achieve in life, is their 'profit' or proud moment, to be the parents of such child.

Is just a few minutes to show your appreciation or your graditute to your parents. Just a simple kiss every morning or a simple phone call could cheer them up everyday. And is doesn't every cost a single cent. Parents are the only people in the world we could trust. And they are the only ones that are willing to sacrifice everything in the world for their children..

Overall....

PARENTS OUR SAVIOUR

Bare that in mind!!

Mum..... Dad..... I love you~~~~~

P.S... Don't take this the wrong way.... I ain't rubbing your backside for getting something I want.. I am sincere here..... Guides honour!! heheh

Where is it???

I need inspiration to blog... Like mad seriously!!!

Too desperate already...!!!!!!!

Pudu Prison

I know, this is a very very very very old issue....

But I just wanna state my opinion...

Everytime I wait for the bus opposite pudu prison, I stare at that wall for distraction.... Now that that thing is destroyed, it is a shame as I usually spot ang mohs there admiring the painting...

Although is not a tourist spot but still, it is a very attractive place for foreigners to visit...

My mum and I made a short trip there to collect some of the wall 'specimens' as souvenir... And yes, it is still at my house.... But we did snap some pics with my mum's phone.....

We did collect small pieces of it especially the exterior of the wall where the painting was... It can be a cool souvenir though..... ^^

Hidious pic of me~~~~~ Pay no attention to that standing figure =P

Chao!!!

Outing with Suki and Lisa

You know, what I realize was, after graduation, the only people that I really kept in touch is Lisa and Suki. It seems like they were the only 'living being' willing to make time for a small gathering or just a normal 'yum cha' session... I don't know, that's just my opinion.

Anyway, recently, 3 of did had a spontaneous outing in Bukit Bintang once again. Initially we were suppose to shop for clothes and ya, I did want to buy clothes..... I admit that.....

We were walking and walking like nobody business and the two girls were all going cuckoo with every shop they pass by while I was struggling to find MY type of clothes... I don't see a single army pants or a hoodie top in the whole bukit bintang area..... *pissed!!!!

I actually wasted my day + going back empty handed..... * pissed square

But we did take ridiculous pictures...... In DA TOILET........ hahahahah

Of all the places they have to choose the toilet....... Y la aiyor.....

Anyway here are the pics..... If you see a toilet bowl, just ignore it, instead, pay attention to the person IN da picture, doesn't it sound more rational to do so?? *wink

As you can see from the picture on the above left, they are busy camwhoring with their own phones.... Can even compare somemore!!!!! X perasan ke Aw Maxinf standing here??

So at last, Aw Maxine decide to hyp things up~~~~

Driving Lessons and Driving test

Ok, before this I was having a few sessions of driving lesson and this was actually my last driving session before my real test...

So I actually drove all the way to sungai buluh to go through my test syllubus with my instructor... I was doing fine especially on the road. I seldom make any mistakes and could mostly handle myself without any instructing from my instructor....

As usual, we did the going up the hill, parking and 3 point turn... after a few rounds, the instructor gave me a pre-test and i failed the 3 point turn as I was going too fast with the clutch... so I had to repeat the 3 point turn again and again after I got it right.

After that, I DID go cuckoo over the 3 point turn... I called suki and clarissa and they also thought WTH happened to me... heheheh. Ya so overalled I could say i was alright with the syllubus but I wasn't that confident in passing the test....

During the real test, turns out that I REALLY did failed the test..... Reasons?

1. Too nervous

2. Scare failed

3. High expectations of ppl??

But all along I'm trying to overcome this matter, but Just don't know how.... I sort of trying to psycho myself but that's not gonna work with negative surroundings.... Anyway... Good luck to me for my next round of test~~heheheheh

Really really really late updates.......

26/7-28/7

Had our first test in Form 6..... Had a 'deciding on what to do' issue and transfered into arts one week before the test and yeay me???? Results wasn't that encouraging....

Society

You know what, recently, a friend phone me up and told me about her difficulties in finishing her assignment. She is pursuing her diploma in hotel management and she's currently doing her first assignment, that is requesting a 5 star hotel manager to bring them around the hotel at the same time introducing the aspects of becoming a hotel manager and maybe considering it as a future career.

So, after receiving all the approval letters from her college authorities, she started her work in a team and started to choose a hotel for her assignment. I'm not going to stat what hotel she chose because obviously if I'd do that, it'll be bad for the hotel's reputation, not that my blog is viewed worldwide.

Anyway, after choosing hotel A, she started off emailing her request and approval letter to the hotel management, hoping they would reply her ASAP. Instead, after sending tonns of email, calling them day and night, faxing them the letter several times, my friend still did not get a single reply. Which really brought her into a 'damsel in distress' situation and ended calling me for a solution. @.@

Ok, this is the thing. What I see was, in the hotel management business, they are practically lack of people and stuff, sometimes I even see stuff running up and down the hotel multitasking due to lack of staff.

As a manager of the hotel, I know that the main objective is to produce more income for the hotel but seeing the staff being so insufficient, don't the manager ever though of how to involve more people into the hotel management business?

Is a rare chance that students pursuing hotel management course would call up a hotel to request a quick tour around the hotel. Hotel managers could actually use this chance to offer them a place in the hotel and maybe ask them to consider their hotel as their future career. A chance like this don't come often and I think is really ridiculous that hotels don't take this opportunity to increase staff enrolment.

Is similar to a case like a beggar is already suffering from poverty and when people offer money, her refuse to take it out of pride. Stupid isn't it? If there's chance right in front of you, grab it before other people grabs it. Don't turn now chances because of pride and self-image. People might criticize you now but later, you'll get the better times.

Is just too bad that people nowadays don't think that way....

Finally~~~~

First thing first, I finally made a choice on what I'm might pursue in and so far I'm happy in what I'm doing. I really do hope that this time I won't back out and continue what I'm doing. The story goes like this....
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Once upon a time.... haahh ok lah, I'll go straight to the point. Anyway, GAAAAH!!! my leg is so freakin' itchy!!!......

Ok, as most of you know that I attended from 6 straight after I returned from my NS, and i chose Science stream. I thought I was able to cope as the teachers there was known to be quite pushy, So i decided to give it a try....

Turns out I was wrong. I ended up skipping school more then I've ever done in my life. I've never felt this way about studies before and I have never cried as much as this. I felt fear whenever I stepped foot into the school, I would shiver as I walk into the classroom, and I have never dared to ask teachers any question. I was so scared to that extend....

Finally, when I felt that I was going to explode, I told my dad everything and what I felt after a month in the science stream. My dad was surprise and He couldn't believe that all these while I was feeling that way. And the first time crying about studies is definitely not me...

So far I was able to withstand the most pressurizing situation and I was able to overcome with ease ans peaceful mind, but all of a sudden, I just drop at a point that I really couldn't hold back any longer...... I was in lost and I didn't know what I should do...

Even my parents was at lost in what should I do... I skipped school for 2 days, I had to spend a few days for me to wake up and make a decision... after thinking for a whole 4 days, I finally made up my mind in joining the art streams.

Although, as most of my close friends knows how much I hate banking, accounts and economy related subjects but I decided to give it a try....

After a week, I feel fine and I don't feel that fearful anymore. I tend to look forword to go for classes and to have a group of friends to help me everyday. Instead, I feel the urge to actually study sometimes.... which is good. And i'm happy. I really hope nothing will come across and I will enjoy myself for another one and a half years of CBN years.... =P

I also actually hope that there would be more activities in school that is more of a artistic approach... Performance, dancing, singing, acting.... Anything... As long as it involves stage act..... At least that can keep my mind of some stuff... *wink....

A happy person in CBN...!!!

No certainties

Is there even such a word???
Anyway... I'm having one of those mixed up emotions again.

I don't know why I have these feelings often and definitely is not PMS.

Usually when I do have these kind of feelings, I have alot of things on my mind. Sort of like a katrina in my brain to be exact. And I usually stay quiet at that moment cause if someone was to interrupt, I do the unthinkable.... (can imagine??)

Well, we'll skip that at the moment. There has been an issue that I've always been annoyed about......

You know when people cross the road... Ok, lets make it a busy road..
A normal person would look left and right before running across the road right?
I notice nowadays that people tend to just walk across the road before even looking both sides...

That I don't mind, that's your life, not mine; If you get killed It ain't my business, but people tend to walk as if that was their grandfather's road.. I mean...

H-A-L-L-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-!!!!!! WAKE UP DUDE!!!
ITS A FREAKIN' ROAD, IT AIN'T YOUR GRANDAD'S!!!!

If your crossing the road alone then fine, you die, die la, but
I'M FREAKIN' RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!! CAN YOU WALK FASTER???
I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIEEEE!!!!!!

Geesh!! Especially thoses teenagers who are 'dating'...
you know, those who loves to hold hands, wave it up and down,
doodle around, and say 'i love u' non-stop.....

Is a freakin' road!!!! Don't you people learn common safety procedures?
And you call yourself educated people...

Is like civilization all over again.....
*Slaps forehead*

Go back to school and educate yourself again...
Simple safety procedures also cannot follow..
No wonder so many people kena langgar la...

Blame who?
YOURSELF LA IDIOT!!

PLKN 2nd Reunion

Alright, we're suppose to have a PLKN gathering today involving the whole Alpha company including boys and girls.... Instead, out of 100, only 7 people turned up...

5 boys and 2 girls... Don't that sound sad to you?? Depressing maybe??

YOU DO???????

GOOD!! Because it IS DEPRESSING!!!!!!!

Out of 100 a freakin' 7 turned up?? Where are all the buayaks?? Plus there are only 5 authentic buayaks there, the others are from other company. Other company lagi semangat then our own buayak to go for the reunion... Like WTH??

Anyway.... Since they said the gathering was 1pm (I thought so) so I kinda rushed to times square and reached there around 1.20pm.... then i called Gwen and she was only on the way....

So i lepak-ed around times square and ended up eating lunch in KFC.... booming gendang d my stomach... hehhe....

Gwen turned up at 3 sumthing whereas PA-8 and the gang turned up at 4pm.... SO much of starting the gathering at 1/2pm....

Instead of a gathering, since the numbers was so small, we practically walked alot today. From Times sqaure, we walked to sungai wang, then to pavilion, found out there was nothing to do there, walked back to times square and ended up in a KTV centre. (Which is quite famous for drug addicts and police raids)...

Didn't dare to sing a single song since boys were there.... scary neh....

Its been years since I last sang in front of boys (Besides my dad and bro, they love to shut me up whenever I start to sing... T.T)

And I left them at around 7 ....... to go CLUBBING .....

It was like eons ago since I last when clubbing... but this club is more like a proper club. Few prostitutes and more alcoholic drinks... lovesss....

Back home at 9pm, and had a slight dance session by myself... heheh.... Love the Lupin by Kara dance.... Super Chun... Bonamana aka Boom la mana is next.. hheh

I happen to do this... now no more d.... T.T