Like i said before, i'm not happy with the way things are in my family. People cry in my house, shout in my house, throw things in my house and steal things in my house till we have to lock our room doors everytime we leav
e our room. Is more like a hostel then a "home sweet home". I tend to get scare when i enter the building, scare of what misfortune befalls me. It hurts to see people suffering in the builiding. I hate to see this but it is still my only home. Where else can i run to? Only my bedroom is available during this period. Recently i was involve in a fight in the building. Recieve a huge slap with great momentem that causes bleeding and clotting in my ear drum. Thats where i recieve my deaf sentence. But i finally get to experience the feeling of being partially deaf. I couldn't hear things properly and ended up asking repeated question to a same person. I couldn't hear properly the sounds from the surrounding that i used to hear. It was a quiter world where i was alone. At least the space is finally there for me to clear my mind out on what to do. On proper decisions and proper plans for my future, mainly college life. The best way to avoid all this and concentrate on my studies and be myself. Doing whatever i want before is too late. When i saw the doc today, my heart was soothed by the words he uttered. I won't get deaf, he said, but still medication is a must! Due date is the next two days, i had to becareful and cautions steps have to be taken. I don't wanna be deaf, music is my life! I was insane to be involved in that kind of fight. "GROW UP GIRL! You're a mature lady and old enough to figure that sense out of ya head! you have a major life ahead of you! Appreciate what you have bud!" That always comes into my mind whenever depression concoures me. Is true though, i have to live with it no matter what! Is my relations and I have responsibilities towards them, even they treat me bad or they hurt me so much, i still have to respect them for who they are. Well, things have been piling up during the holidays and there are much to be done! so work with me! mind, body, get set, GO!!!!!!! Think and stay positive, one of the best mind motivations. Smile everyday, do your part and stay healthy!! See ya!!GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!
i am surrounded by misery right now. People around me are not around me, whenever i need them the most they flee, whenever i need advise they are busy doing their own stuff. I haven cry for quite some time and is hard for me to cry. Even the highest level of stress can't make me cry. And i'm crying right now in front of my computer as i type this blog. Because the only thing that can make me cry is my family. They complain that they never got a chance to talk to me and understand me better, but what is happening is they do have the time, is just they don;t have the time to remeber the things i said to them. It is correct that i'm not happy with my family, I'm not statisfied with the way i'm treated and i don't mind. From that incident i learn to live on my own, i learn to do things myself and i learn to solve my own problems, even sometimes i try my luck for a slight attention from them, FAT CHANCE! only times when i ignore them totally, then only they grab the opportunity to 'help' me but that's only for a few moment. Sometimes i try to make them understand but they never think froma differennt aspect, they are confident with their own opinion that they seldom hear mine. Is also a common thing that i'm used to and i try hard not to complain. But the more i keep it to myself, the harder it is for me to go on with life, i couldn't breath at times and sometimes negative thought would concoure me. It haunts me everytime and i defend myself with positive thoughts, what is left of it. I admit that stress is the thing i'm handling right now. But i don't take it as a stressful period of time but i take it as a challenge, a challenge that i'm able to cope with, a training for my college life and a learning journey to success. But soemtimes i doubt myself for achieving so many things at once. I'm scare at times but i don't wanna be. I wanna be strong. I wan to stadn on my own two feet and not depend on others.
