Depressed

I always told myself that no matter
what happens in life, I always am able
to make the best out of it and try
not to fail miserably....

Till one day, i confessed to myself~~

That i wasn't able to live up to myself...

Kyle was rewarded today for his
miraculous results in his SPM....

I was a happy and slightly upset
over the results...

A sudden failure came to me, it felt
as i wasn't able to fulfill my parent's
wishes, and for me being the eldest,
i couldn't make my parents proud.

I did cry for a day, which made me
re-think about this issue..

Unfortunately. dad caught me being
upset and tried to console and cheer
me up..

It didn't really work for that particular
day as my spirit and my motivation
was really down and negative...

I admit that i ruined my parent's
mood that night.. But i was too
self-centered and i couldn't care less...

I just couldn't stop being upset and
mad over myself. I was just a piece of
junk staying in the back of the house...

I needed time to heal myself...
to stand up and face the challenge..
and i did the next day..

Things were better and i was more
open minded...

Kyle has a 'habit'...
When dad buys him something, he
would promise all sorts and then
once he got hold of his things..
He would turn back into his old self
with just a snap...

Wait no!

Which just a blink of an eye...
A half quarter of a second....

Last time, the first time he promised
i had full confidence in him....

After several occasions...

He would always fail to convince me
and i would end up thinking
"The time he turn over a new leaf,
i would have grandkids and my grandkids
would have grandkids = NEVER in my life!"

That shows how much confidence i have
towards him...

Well, as usual, he treated me like
shit as soon as he got hold of his item...
And of course swear words are not excluded..

This sort of things became a daily basis..
everynight i have to console myself to avoid
breakdown..

I learn to give in more frequent then to
recieve more often. I learn to hold in my
tantrums than to be a brat.

I learn to accept people that i despise than
show a ugly face to them in person. I also learn
to be humple to people i dislike than to hate
them at their back.

But with no doubts, i also do have times
that i needed throw my tantrums to
show what i am feeling...

I am an human being, not a robot, and
of course i do have feelings... And there were
times where i can no longer bare and have
to let go...

The space in me is limited and when the time
i feel full and out-angered, i need to release my
tantrums in order to create new space for other
tantrums..

I am trying my very best now to live life at it is..
Even though Klye is stubborn, stuck up, snobby
and disgustingly annoying, he is not worth my
time to get angry and pissed off with

He is also not worth my tears and time of me
being upset just because of him.

But there is one thing that i promised myself..
No matter how we turned out, there is
always space in my heart for forgiveness.

When the time is right, when miracle surfaced
my life, when Klye really does turn over a new
leaf.. I am ready to forgive him no matter where
and when it is...

To forgive someone,
Is to forgive yourself;
To hate someone,
Is also to hate yourself;

So why not learn to forgive and
be humble to everyone on earth,

Even to those that you hate
or dislike, for one day,
they might need your help
and they might treasure you for who
you are....

I am learning to forgive,
hoping that a burden can be lifted,
And the tantrums in me,
might just be able to lessen,
day by day.....

Congrats ppl!!!

Congratulations to all who got
flying colours in their PMR results!!

You all got what you deserve after
what you all have been through...

WIshing all peeps a Merry CHristmas
and good luck in everything in the year..

2010~~~

No brain movement~~

Nothing giving me the
enthusiasm to blog~~~

T.T

Heartbroken...

Stupid people!!

Ok,
When I mention
H-O-S-P-I-T-A-L

.............

What comes through your mind?

White?
Nurses?
Doctors?
Needles?
Quiet?
Peace?
Calm?

People with BRAINS and know
how to use EM' ,
THIS vocabulary will come across
their minds..

But people with brains but have
NO idea how to use em

THIS vocab runs through their minds.

Noisy,
Coffee shop,
Samseng,
Wedding dinner,
Banyak Mulut,
and
DIM SUM!!

What connection you ask these
few words have with them??

Well, let ME 'splain

You see, i went to Subang
Medical centre today to visit one
of my relatives

And of course i expect a hospital
to be quiet and peaceful..
Well that was what i felt when
i was in the lobby...

Everything was fine on the way to
the fourth floor...

Went we reached my relative's ward..


B-A-M!!!!!!!

There goes the coffee shop right
opposite the ward. There were this
group of old people, talking so damn
loudly, just like those old folks in the
coffee shop....

And you know how they dress? They
were dress as if they were going
for a wedding dinner.. With FULL
make up as well.... O.o

Plus they were laughing and talking
so freakin' loudly as if the patient
inside their ward had just gave birth
to a new baby..

For a moment there i thought
"Are we in the right ward?"
Then i overheard the patient is
going to undergo an operation the
next day....

Then again i thought, why are they
laughing and talking if the patient is
going for an operation the next day?

Is it a happy occasion for them?

Or what?

But still rules are rules

You can't talk and laugh in the
hospital like you do in the
coffee shop or your peeps

You might be happy but other
patients need rest and other people
might be depressed over their love
ones...

You're not the only one in the
hospital k.

But if that's you're own private ward
and you are not disturbing other
patients, I don't bloody care!!

But too bad is NOT your private
ward so PLEASE respect other
patients and the hospital rules please

Even an idiot knows that

There's a catogory for these kind of
people...

S-T-U-P-I-D

Yipeeeeee!!!

Am going to my first after SPM camp

tomorrow....





^^







......... Speechless~~~

YEEPIE!!!!!!!

Haahahahahaha

TOO HAPPY

CAN'T DESCRIBE

NEED TO JUMP!!!!

SHORT POST

NEED TO GET HYPER!!

BYEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Confuse...

I have a massive mixture of feelings today...

I tend to feel

* Mad
* Sad
* Happy
* Distructive
* Annoyed
* Tearful
* Curious
* All stuck in
* Sufficating
* No freedom...

WHAT AM I
SUPPOSE TO FEEL??

Down to " The great 1"

Phew~~~ Physics is finally OVER!
The toughest subject among the 3
science subject.. YIPPEE!!!
So now is down to the final paper...

C.H.E.M.I.S.T.R.Y

You know... When i was studying
physics the other day, the NS issue
came to my mind.

I was so caught up on me not getting
in the first batch till i became so
annoyed about it.

I even kept bugging my parents to change
my batch for me.. I was SO ready to face
NS and i wanted to go for the first batch
so badly... And this result actually
gave me a breakdown..

Imagine that! A stupid issue giving me
a breakdown.. What a wuss!

But the more i think about it, the more
i was able to accept me attending the
second batch..

And... the more i was excited to attend NS.
Although the letter of transfer was sent in,
no matter what the outcome is, i still will
remain the determination to attend NS..

AS LONG AS ITS NOT
THE 3RD BATCH!!!!

I am really looking forward to attending NS.
I mean what harm could do me?
I get to socialize more, meet more friends
(Although i heard most of the girls there
are 'xiu jie' material)

But at least i get to open my eyes to
different varities of people...

But importantly...
My main reason to go there is to
stay fit, increase my stamina...
and LOOSE WEIGHT!!!

I HAVE TO!!!!

MUST!
MUST!!!!!

Anyway.... Last paper people.. so

BOOYAH!!!!

Day off....

After a tiring day of memorizing
and not coming out a single thing!!

I had a day off today...

(unexpectedly)

I woke up this morning...

(it was freakin' 8 in the morning)

I kept reminding myself to study

for physics as is this thursday...

In my mind was.

"study physics.....

study physics.....

study physics...."

But i had to go to the ministry of

defence first to get the application for

changing Batch in NS...

Was very dissapointed that i didn't get

first batch...

Went there with my letters...

(Got some handbooks as well)
(The receptionist was really friendly)

Was done in a few minutes and we

hoped back to the car.

Was going to snooze off in the car then

mum wanted to go to wangsa walk..

So i thought "cool, plus can get my

christmas shopping done!"

So yeah~~ My christmas shopping for

my christmas outing!!

And a packet of candy canes to match

with the seasonal occasion~ yeay~~

Can't wait for christmas this year cause

this is the only year where i can enjoy

christmas and NOT worry about school

next year...

BWAHAHAHAHA

Last 2 subject people!!!

YIPPEE YAHHH!!!