Depressed

I always told myself that no matter
what happens in life, I always am able
to make the best out of it and try
not to fail miserably....

Till one day, i confessed to myself~~

That i wasn't able to live up to myself...

Kyle was rewarded today for his
miraculous results in his SPM....

I was a happy and slightly upset
over the results...

A sudden failure came to me, it felt
as i wasn't able to fulfill my parent's
wishes, and for me being the eldest,
i couldn't make my parents proud.

I did cry for a day, which made me
re-think about this issue..

Unfortunately. dad caught me being
upset and tried to console and cheer
me up..

It didn't really work for that particular
day as my spirit and my motivation
was really down and negative...

I admit that i ruined my parent's
mood that night.. But i was too
self-centered and i couldn't care less...

I just couldn't stop being upset and
mad over myself. I was just a piece of
junk staying in the back of the house...

I needed time to heal myself...
to stand up and face the challenge..
and i did the next day..

Things were better and i was more
open minded...

Kyle has a 'habit'...
When dad buys him something, he
would promise all sorts and then
once he got hold of his things..
He would turn back into his old self
with just a snap...

Wait no!

Which just a blink of an eye...
A half quarter of a second....

Last time, the first time he promised
i had full confidence in him....

After several occasions...

He would always fail to convince me
and i would end up thinking
"The time he turn over a new leaf,
i would have grandkids and my grandkids
would have grandkids = NEVER in my life!"

That shows how much confidence i have
towards him...

Well, as usual, he treated me like
shit as soon as he got hold of his item...
And of course swear words are not excluded..

This sort of things became a daily basis..
everynight i have to console myself to avoid
breakdown..

I learn to give in more frequent then to
recieve more often. I learn to hold in my
tantrums than to be a brat.

I learn to accept people that i despise than
show a ugly face to them in person. I also learn
to be humple to people i dislike than to hate
them at their back.

But with no doubts, i also do have times
that i needed throw my tantrums to
show what i am feeling...

I am an human being, not a robot, and
of course i do have feelings... And there were
times where i can no longer bare and have
to let go...

The space in me is limited and when the time
i feel full and out-angered, i need to release my
tantrums in order to create new space for other
tantrums..

I am trying my very best now to live life at it is..
Even though Klye is stubborn, stuck up, snobby
and disgustingly annoying, he is not worth my
time to get angry and pissed off with

He is also not worth my tears and time of me
being upset just because of him.

But there is one thing that i promised myself..
No matter how we turned out, there is
always space in my heart for forgiveness.

When the time is right, when miracle surfaced
my life, when Klye really does turn over a new
leaf.. I am ready to forgive him no matter where
and when it is...

To forgive someone,
Is to forgive yourself;
To hate someone,
Is also to hate yourself;

So why not learn to forgive and
be humble to everyone on earth,

Even to those that you hate
or dislike, for one day,
they might need your help
and they might treasure you for who
you are....

I am learning to forgive,
hoping that a burden can be lifted,
And the tantrums in me,
might just be able to lessen,
day by day.....

Congrats ppl!!!

Congratulations to all who got
flying colours in their PMR results!!

You all got what you deserve after
what you all have been through...

WIshing all peeps a Merry CHristmas
and good luck in everything in the year..

2010~~~

No brain movement~~

Nothing giving me the
enthusiasm to blog~~~

T.T

Heartbroken...

Stupid people!!

Ok,
When I mention
H-O-S-P-I-T-A-L

.............

What comes through your mind?

White?
Nurses?
Doctors?
Needles?
Quiet?
Peace?
Calm?

People with BRAINS and know
how to use EM' ,
THIS vocabulary will come across
their minds..

But people with brains but have
NO idea how to use em

THIS vocab runs through their minds.

Noisy,
Coffee shop,
Samseng,
Wedding dinner,
Banyak Mulut,
and
DIM SUM!!

What connection you ask these
few words have with them??

Well, let ME 'splain

You see, i went to Subang
Medical centre today to visit one
of my relatives

And of course i expect a hospital
to be quiet and peaceful..
Well that was what i felt when
i was in the lobby...

Everything was fine on the way to
the fourth floor...

Went we reached my relative's ward..


B-A-M!!!!!!!

There goes the coffee shop right
opposite the ward. There were this
group of old people, talking so damn
loudly, just like those old folks in the
coffee shop....

And you know how they dress? They
were dress as if they were going
for a wedding dinner.. With FULL
make up as well.... O.o

Plus they were laughing and talking
so freakin' loudly as if the patient
inside their ward had just gave birth
to a new baby..

For a moment there i thought
"Are we in the right ward?"
Then i overheard the patient is
going to undergo an operation the
next day....

Then again i thought, why are they
laughing and talking if the patient is
going for an operation the next day?

Is it a happy occasion for them?

Or what?

But still rules are rules

You can't talk and laugh in the
hospital like you do in the
coffee shop or your peeps

You might be happy but other
patients need rest and other people
might be depressed over their love
ones...

You're not the only one in the
hospital k.

But if that's you're own private ward
and you are not disturbing other
patients, I don't bloody care!!

But too bad is NOT your private
ward so PLEASE respect other
patients and the hospital rules please

Even an idiot knows that

There's a catogory for these kind of
people...

S-T-U-P-I-D

Yipeeeeee!!!

Am going to my first after SPM camp

tomorrow....





^^







......... Speechless~~~

YEEPIE!!!!!!!

Haahahahahaha

TOO HAPPY

CAN'T DESCRIBE

NEED TO JUMP!!!!

SHORT POST

NEED TO GET HYPER!!

BYEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Confuse...

I have a massive mixture of feelings today...

I tend to feel

* Mad
* Sad
* Happy
* Distructive
* Annoyed
* Tearful
* Curious
* All stuck in
* Sufficating
* No freedom...

WHAT AM I
SUPPOSE TO FEEL??

Down to " The great 1"

Phew~~~ Physics is finally OVER!
The toughest subject among the 3
science subject.. YIPPEE!!!
So now is down to the final paper...

C.H.E.M.I.S.T.R.Y

You know... When i was studying
physics the other day, the NS issue
came to my mind.

I was so caught up on me not getting
in the first batch till i became so
annoyed about it.

I even kept bugging my parents to change
my batch for me.. I was SO ready to face
NS and i wanted to go for the first batch
so badly... And this result actually
gave me a breakdown..

Imagine that! A stupid issue giving me
a breakdown.. What a wuss!

But the more i think about it, the more
i was able to accept me attending the
second batch..

And... the more i was excited to attend NS.
Although the letter of transfer was sent in,
no matter what the outcome is, i still will
remain the determination to attend NS..

AS LONG AS ITS NOT
THE 3RD BATCH!!!!

I am really looking forward to attending NS.
I mean what harm could do me?
I get to socialize more, meet more friends
(Although i heard most of the girls there
are 'xiu jie' material)

But at least i get to open my eyes to
different varities of people...

But importantly...
My main reason to go there is to
stay fit, increase my stamina...
and LOOSE WEIGHT!!!

I HAVE TO!!!!

MUST!
MUST!!!!!

Anyway.... Last paper people.. so

BOOYAH!!!!

Day off....

After a tiring day of memorizing
and not coming out a single thing!!

I had a day off today...

(unexpectedly)

I woke up this morning...

(it was freakin' 8 in the morning)

I kept reminding myself to study

for physics as is this thursday...

In my mind was.

"study physics.....

study physics.....

study physics...."

But i had to go to the ministry of

defence first to get the application for

changing Batch in NS...

Was very dissapointed that i didn't get

first batch...

Went there with my letters...

(Got some handbooks as well)
(The receptionist was really friendly)

Was done in a few minutes and we

hoped back to the car.

Was going to snooze off in the car then

mum wanted to go to wangsa walk..

So i thought "cool, plus can get my

christmas shopping done!"

So yeah~~ My christmas shopping for

my christmas outing!!

And a packet of candy canes to match

with the seasonal occasion~ yeay~~

Can't wait for christmas this year cause

this is the only year where i can enjoy

christmas and NOT worry about school

next year...

BWAHAHAHAHA

Last 2 subject people!!!

YIPPEE YAHHH!!!

Down to 2

Ok people...
I'm seriously tired right now...
So a short post...

Just finish biology...
All the things that i memorize...
NOT EVEN ONE
CAME OUT!!!!

Geesh!

Anyway...
Good news is...
down to 2 more subjects left...

Physics this thursday....

A.N.D............

CHEMISTRY!!!
next tuesday...

So people.. prepare to
SHOUT IT OUT
FOR ME!!!!

WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!!

Last few papers~~~~

Last three subjects left!!!!

Add oil!
Add oil!!
Add oil!!!!

Since the stinkin' sejarah
and Add maths has pass...

Seriously i felt a great burden
had liften off my shoulder...

Yeay!!
After this is
HALLELUYAH
for me!!

BOOYAHH
PPL!!!!

Late night post~~~

Must be wondering why am I
still blogging in the middle of
the night...

Not to mention i'm having a
maths test tomorrow??!!

HAHA

I'm wondering that myself...

I just finish memorizing my
moral values...
(Makes me more 'bermoral')

And now i'm doing some maths
questions...

And to tell you the truth....
I did not study for the whole day..

I actually just finished learning
half a dance.. Is actually a korean
group dance call girl generation
(You can't stop loveing em')

And my asthma is attacking me
again...

HOW COULD YOU??!!!

Among so many days you chose
TODAY???!!!!!

GAHHHHHHHHH

*Breaths in and out...

Ta~ ta~

Day 2 & 3

BM - Done!!
B1 - Done!!!!!
Sejarah - DONE!!!! WHOHOOO!!!
Maths
Add.Maths
Biology
Chemistry
Physics
Moral
EST - Done!!!

Day 2 & 3...


COMPLETO!!!!!!!

Day 1

OK.....

1st day of SPM is actually
quite nerve wrecking...

The first paper was
BM 1 where candidates are
required to write 2 essays...

I was practically shaking
before i even went in..

It was the first time i felt
so nervous for an exam...

I didn't even bulge for
UPSR and PMR...

But still, the good thing is
i can cut off the first subject
on my list... ^^
yeay~~~

BM - Done!!
B1
Sej
Maths
Add.M
Bio
Cheme
Phy
Moral
EST





Day 1 - COMPLETE!!!!

Here it is~~~

Well.....

SPM is this wednesday...

This is it.....

My final push for my school years..

yeay~~~~





GANBATTE KUDASAI!!!

(Back to bani abbasiyah)

Last day........

Finally.....

The day i've been waiting for
in my whole teenage life.......

The LAST day of school...

has



FINALLY came!!!

All the waiting, the studying,
the suffering, the torturing ENDS
here!!!

The feeling during
PMR is in me again...

When they opened the hall...

When we arranged the tables...

When the examination slips are
passed....

I felt immediate fear....

GAHHHHHH

And kinda sad too when we
went round salam'ing' to the
teachers.....

It was quite funny actually to say..
Not a sad scene at all...

We were practically going round
the staff room...

Shaking hands with em' and
bobbing out heads for as long as
their 'speech' goes....

That explains my sore neck..
*crack!

Ahhh Much better....

Anyway..... The last day of school
has finally came...

It means more responsibility,
more mature thinking, and more
realible person to be...

And of course more freedom and
time for me to HIT the road...
heheheheheh

But still SPM is coming..
and i still have to work hard for it...

No fooling around, no playing around,
no dilly daily and no more jokes..

I WILL miss some of the teachers and
the surroundings of my school...

I will also definitely miss waking up
every morning and hear babbling
noises each day...

Awaiting the last bell to ring and ready
for the front gate dash...

It'll take awhile to get used to it
though....

*sniff

Bye~~~~~~

Y.Ylll

You know what,

I'm tired,
I'm really really tired...



I have no idea what i'm up to
I have no idea what should I do
I have no idea what the hell
should i be thinking right now..



GAHHHHHH



Can someone actually HELP me!!?

But i'm sure for one thing... hehehe
After SPM i gonna try to go for THIS!






See how bloody SLIM they are...
Hope the 'NS' will be able to help me~~

T.T 3 months of torture..
Here i come..



Right after SPM of course!

Graduation day

Finally, my graduation ceremony

takes place..

It was held in concorde hotel...

So here are the pics!

With the flower bouquet...

She's actually shorter than me

(Just to let you know =P)

Whole class with the backdrop....

With our form teacher...

(She manyak bagi 'ong')

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our robes~~~ Nightmare......

(no la...)

Hope this will appear more often

during our SPM examination!

'Robe'ing around... Was hot =P

And STILL.... i'm the shortest...

Desperately waiting....

I am currently in THIS position..

And still desperately waiting for

THIS postition...

I'd be worst then THIS if

SPM is really over....

*sigh*

P.S I really DO love food...

Tagged by dear dear dear dear Charis.....

Pass this tag to ten people:
1. Shereen Choong
2. Vivian Choong
3. Alyea Kak Yaya
4. Xin Mei
5. Michiko
6. Chelsea
7. Miki
8. Yan Leng
9. Yan Yee
10. You!!

1.Would you date number 5?
Why not?? We would make a great couple

2.Number 2 just got in a car crash.How do you react?
And YOU said i was GONNA speed... hehehe

3.You see number 9 with your boy/girlfriend.
She's way across the globe.. No way i'm gonna see her here..

4.You come home and your room has been ransacked number 4.
Not surprise.. She even ransack my bags in HQ...

5.Number 1 is acting weird.
Either she 'ter'ate yogurt or she's having her monthly thing

6. Numbers 3 and 8 decided to give 10 a haircut
I guess that unlucky person is gonna bear with a wig.. =P

7.Number 7 just got tickets for him/her and you to go to a concert..
I doubt it.. Even if she does have tickets it'll be for Michiko and chelsea..

8.Number 10 takes you to a bar.
Oh cool!!! Lets go babeh!!

9.Number 4 has to move to the other side of the world.
Bring me back a polar bear!!!

10.You and number 8 are being chased by the cops for an unknown reason.
For her teaching me to drive... Sorry yan leng...

11.Number 7 and you are sitting on the couch watching a movie when he/her wrap his/her arm around you.
NO WAY She's EVER doing that...

12.Number 5 asks you out to dinner.
As long she's paying I have no problem with the leftovers..

13. Number 9 and you are sitting on a bus.
Self plan trip??

14.Number 6 calls you in the middle of the night because he/she can't sleep.
Go talk to your sis...I ain picking that up!!

15.Your walking with someone and number 6 runs up and tackles you to the ground from behind.
I won't be the one falling =P I'm too heavy for her

16.Number 1 is crying one day and you ask him/her why and it seems their boy/girlfriend has dumped them.
I will be shock to hear that she has a BF in the first place

17.Number 2 offers to bake you a meal.As you sit in the other room,the kitchen is suddenly aflame.
hehehehe..... I don't think that will happen.. Mrs yeow 'left hand woman' is her nickname!!

18.Number 5 comes to your door one day holding a koala.
A nice timing too as she juz came back from aussie...

19.Number 3 just got you an X-Box
Oh cool... but i bet all the games are gonna be football games.. Ultimate chelsea fan..(alyea.. am i rite??)

20.Number 9 challenges you to a children's card game.
Which one will it be? UNO, family, Donkeys?? hehe

21.Number 1 thinks she's overweight.
She will NEVER think bout that issue..

22.Number 7 looks lonely.
NEVER!!!!

23.Number 2 asks you rudely to go leave her alone.
..... Shereen, what's up with your sis??

24.Numbers 5 and 3 decide to throw a surprise perty for you.
I don't think they even knew each other....

25.Number 6 decide to dye her hair black.What do you say?
She's gonna dye it brown.. I swear to you!!

26.Number 2 tells you she is going to go out for a while,and then later you hear about a shooting where 2 went.
eh?!?

27.You catch number 9 by herself crying.
She will Never cry.. She's our SUPER jie jie!!

28.Numbers 1,3,5 and 6 all tackle you at once!
They have to know each other first and be at the same place at once.. heheh

I'm done!! WHOOHOOO

先苦后甜

Direct English translation for my blog
title is suffer first, enjoy later....

Today is tuesday, also
the last day of PMR....

I recalled how I acted during the
last day of PMR..

And now, i'm imagining my
last day of SPM...

Makes me so sad to think that
UPSR and PMR people are done
with their 'major' exam
while SPM and STPM people
are still stuck...

><





NOT FAIR!!!!!



But as my blog title says,
suffer first, enjoy later...



Good new for UPSR and PMR
people are...

You get your freedom now

Bad news??

You still have to attend school
for a whole year next year..
H-A-H-A

As for SPM and STPM people...

We WILL suffer for now,
you can laugh all you want...

But next year, when you're stuck
in school being miserable...

WE WILL be enjoying
oursleves BEYOND limits....







WAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAAHAH









O.K. back to studying....

T.T


Ngo yan
Ngo yan
Ngo YAN YAN YAN!!!

Exam period... O.O

Weeeeeeeeee~~~~

Sound weird??

heheh

Its just the joy of myself

being able to study at last...

Got myself into the study

mode these few days...

No more TV, and online games

concentrate on SPM...

*phew..

Thats a tough commitment to

commit to..

GANBATTE KUDASAI BAH!!!

Happy Mid Autumn~~~

I woke up this morning,

By a call from dad from the frontyard,

Asking me to open the door,

For he forgot to bring the keys;

As i wash myself up,

I remembered today was Mid Autumn,

I didn't have any plans on hand,

But to accompany my family,

On this yearly chinese event;

I studied and watch TV,

Till i realized it was 5 o'clock,

We decided to go for dinner,

At the back lane foodcourt;

As i stepped out of the house,

I heard digital songs along the street,

Its a small word, doremon, london bridge,

Seem to fill my head;

Improved science and technology,

Filled the world with gadgets of all kinds,

Even our traditional paper lanterns,

Are replaced with battery charge lanterns,

Decorated with light bulb, digital sounds

and cartoon figure of all kinds;

Although science and technology,

Replaced things with conveniece,

We still have old tradition,

Living among us,

And we shall never let it fade away.

Happy Mid Autumn Everyone!!

(Don't mind the poem if it sounds

kinky or weird...)

i HATE you~~~~~

This blog contains vulgar words.
Readers discrimination is advisable

You freakkin' mothefucker!!!!
Away with you and your motherfucking
attitude.

If you're not bloody pleased
with what we do for you then get the
HELL out of our place and don't mess
with OUR happiness and life.

I'm telling ya, our house is MUCH
MORE peaceful without your FUCKIN'
ASSHOLE in the house...

You think you suffered for the whole
day is a BIG DEAL??!! Well its NOT!

We picked you up to go for dinner
and YET you CAN'T EVEN PICK a
STINKIN' place for dinner...

YOU'RE WEAK AND FRAGILE!!!!
CAN'T THINK ANYMORE AFTER
SEMINAR?? THEN DON'T GO!!!!
WASTE OF PRECIOUS TIME AND
MONEY!!

You fuckin' bastard... AWAY WITH
YOU. You never appreciate whatever
we done for you and thinks the
whole world owes you everything....

Why don't you try making a living
by yourself WITHOUT us.. SMARTASS
That is if you EVEN have the
COURAGE to do so... COWARD!!!!

One more last thing..
YOU ARE NOT FUCKIN'
HANDSOME...
You're are as UGLY as a bitch
even people can't DIFFERENTIATE
YOU TWO....

Waste money on rebonding...
WHAT A GIRL!!!!!

Final gathering before SPM

I'm actually having a difficult time

typing right now....

I have a boo-boo on my finger.....

T.T

Anyway, my class had a final gathering

before our 'BIG' day...

I know what are you guys thinking.....

"dah la everyday meet, apasal nak

gathering..."

But kenalah have fun before that

moment of peer pressure and tension..

So, we planned a BBQ cum steamboat

at Ji Yan's place......

IT WAS A BLAST!!!!

(ended up smelling like grilled chicken

all the way back home)

Our menu was.... :-)

*drumroll

# Grilled chicken (a must)

# Potato

# Tom yam and chicken soup

# fish ball, fish paste

# Fu Cok

# Seafood Taufu

# Noodles

# Salad

AND for DESSERT~~~~~

# BBQ MARSHMALLOWS!!!!!!

# Jelly

# Watemelon (self-service)

# And...... orange juice

We had a lot of fun, especially

when starting the fire....

They had me and Ji Yan's dad

in charge of it, but i have to admit

that i had difficulties starting it....

Was not used to it since I usually

start of with wood then charcoal

instead of starting with charcoal

straight away....

Our chicken wings!!!!

GROUP PHOTO!!!

Shi Mun look so cutee~~

(The one on the left)

Mmmmmmm Its finger lickin' GOOD!

And my personal favourite.....

WHY YOU ASK??!!!

COZ~~~ it makes me looks like

i have good lungs power......

Benefits of Handphones

Benefits of handphones :-)

*Able to communicate with ppl
*Get latest news
*Get in touch with ppl
*Get hold of ppl easily

And most important....

*To call people during an
emergency or to find people when
you or them are lost...

So why do people need a
handphone in the first place
when you

DON'T FREAKIN'
ANSWER THE PHONE
WHEN I CALL???????

GRRRRRRRR

I Hate people who don't
pick up their phone when others
are like in a rush to contach them

Don't tell me you don't feel the
vibration on your thighs or your
butt when it rings?!

Freedom of life

Celebrating my completion of d trials....

*thinking to myself

Ok.. Last question..

Focus!

Oh shoot! 10 mins left..

Ok Ok..

Relax Relax...

Think think....

*Do my calculation

YES!!! Done!!

TIMESSSSS UPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

WHEEEEE!!!!! Last paper for
my stinkin' trials.... And there

I am officiating my Raya holidays

starting today!!!!

WAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAHA!!!!!

*Ignore the mentally after

exam retarted me.........

A....nyway........

to celebrate me trials being

long gone... My mum and I went

to the loaf in pavillion for members

day... 50% for all items... Cool huh?

The best thing is...

ITS ALL

FOOOOOODDDD!!!!!

Hehe... paradise for Maxine..

Bought a bunch of breads and

pastries... Mmmm

Gonna enjoy em' later....

Headed upstairs for breakfast..

Both of us ate spaggeti...

Mine is "i forgot wats its name"

And mum's is "Tabikko something"

Look at the fish roe... Mmmm

Big, orangy, sweet and juicy...

We ate till we bloated...

Went round pavillion for a walk

then came back for lunch... hehe

This time i had the

"Tabikko something"

And mum had....

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaamb

Ended muah day with a very

bloated and round stomach...

Mmmmmmmmmm

(Actually... The couch that I'm sitting

on is too low, Found out when the bowl

was served and my chin was resting on

the bowl itself... heheh

This means Aw Maxine is too short and

needs more basketball)

Can we do this sometime again?!

Freedom of life